Introduction Red for dominant, Yellow for influence, Green for stability and Blue for compliance People can categorize those of things. Chapter 1 - What Actually is a Psychopaths? There are so many psychopaths in the world, just we don’t notice them. Male psychopaths are more high rate than female. In this chapter there were some checklist to categorize and rate whether psychopaths or not. Some characteristics are: - They speak fast and use large vocabulary to make us sense or believe them - They think they are better than everyone, worth more and kinda narcissists - They know that we are feel something but instead of feel empathy to us, they show their interest. - Good at lying - They are always try to find our weakness to manipulate us. - Their emotions aren’t really there. No fear, no horror, no worry… - They don’t think about future, only focus on present. - Do not take any responsibility (do not pay..) - Break rules So what is the difference between psychopaths and mental illness. Does psychopaths categorize as mental illness? In terms of personality disorder might be yes but then mental illness means that a person feels so bad that it causes a considerable degree of suffering for the person themselves. But psychopaths does not feel that they are ill. Chapter 2 - Protecting Yourself: A Basic Defense Against Psychopaths 1.Increase Your Self-Awareness People think that psychopaths don’t understand the feeling of others. In fact, they understand perfectly how we feel. They will use our weakness. The Johari Window is psychological model to characterize different ways of communicating. - Known to self / Known to others : Arena - Not known to self / Known to others : Blind Spot - Known to self / Not known to others : Facade - Not known to self / Not known to others : Unknown So understanding your self and increase the self awareness in terms of your weakness is necessary to protect ourselves from psychopath. 2.Learn How to Recognize Psychopath Behavior There are highly risk of affected by psychopath more than we think. 3.Decide How Much You Value Your Own Worth and Self Respect Our self esteem is too low because normally people don’t like who we are. And people with low self esteem will always be edify influenced by others. Therefore, accept who you are. So instead of low self esteem and somebody picking on you up, make you a more complete individual and don’t deny who you are. And protect yourself. Chapter 3 - Who Are the Psychopaths? People make a decision based on their emotions. The research showed that 20% of our decisions are based on rational analysis and 80% of our decisions are based on emotional convictions. So psychopaths control and good at using their influence in terms of emotion and makes us good. So who are the ma manipulators? The usual suspects are… They are the people who find it easy to use your emotions. Such as: - member of your family - Your husband/ wife - Sexual partner - Relationship at your work place (boss) - Friend - Professional contact (doctor, layer) Your psychopathic partner They don’t usually marry because they respect and love you. They marry to own you and all your belongings and assets. Even married with psychopath, they try to make you old before your time and expense like “until death do us part”. So to change the words they believe that everything of yours is theirs and everything theirs is theirs. Chapter 4 - Surrounded by Idiots? This is how you get rid of them Things to know before start read this chapter. According to the DISC system - Red: dominant, extrovert, motivated, problem solver - Yellow: influential, happy, creative, extroverted and communicated easily - Green: stable, introverted - Blue: compliment, task oriented, well-structured Red (dominant) behavior Basically red people likely to behave things that normal people do not. They are more likely to gaze little long than other people do. When handshake they likely to pull downward a bit to show their strongest. Their posture is always straight and likely to walk faster than other people do. The feeling of urgency is their typical red trait. Even when there isn’t really any need to rush but they’re in hurry. So their strength is they can do numerous things simultaneously and process more and more at the short period of time. But in terms of DISC system, red color person is most easiest color to deal with. Since you just slays be well prepared, you can dealing with the Reds. Make things simple so nice if you are vague they will definitely put the pressure on. Work as leader in team. Yellow ( influential ) behavior Nobody smile more than yellow person. They smile to show their openness and talk a lot. Use “I”. They try to make you feel good and seen. But actually they are not good at as listener, instead they are more likely to be speaker. Only yellow people happily to speak in public. They motivate and inspire, encourage people. They ask option ideas and test warm atmosphere for the team. They are not only themselves to be happy, they want us to happy as well like they do. Since smiling is important for them to build friendship, they don’t like and feel uncomfortable when we don’t smile or laugh with them. And they start to think we dislike them. Green ( stable ) Behavior People assume that green people don’t have any their opinion or belief, but they do, they do have their opinion. This is because they just do t want to share it. They are likely to listen your opinion first and adapt to that. The green colleagues is often extremely caring. Also they are not competitive. Avoid to argue and that would be ideal for them. To deal with green people the thing is go easy to them. Blue ( Compliant ) Behavior They are not negative. They are neutral. Blue people don’t need positive feedback or praise but they don’t put much emphasis on it. And they are punctual. Same as green person, blue does not like when you put them under the pressure. They need their time. Since this chapter talking about each DISC model, but not everything in individuals behavior can be explained by this model. It’s just about to explain the casks because it is simple to digest and to teach. Explain the human behaviors always complicated like red person but might be humble green people but might be conflicted. Chapter 5 - Manipulation is Everywhere To begin with, manipulation and influence is different thing. Influence mainly brings the positive influence to the world such as your doctor who tries to get you to change your diet because she’s worried about your health. So influence invites respect for the person you are trying to influence and want the best for him or her. But manipulation is control, influence use to one’s advantage to change thing out of self interest. So they use deceptive methods to change something about silence without their realization the real purpose with their egoistic. Psychological manipulations is type of social influence with the purpose of changing the behavior of others by using hidden or deception but it’s not involve harm. People want something from the other person that we can’t get any other way. It calls driving force. In the work place there are primarily six driving forces. Theoretical driving force: ・Motivated by: Curiosity and a desire to gain knowledge. ・Traits: Thoughtful, analytical, rational, and data-driven. ・Focus: Understanding the deeper meaning and organizing information. Practical economic driving force: ・Motivated by: Financial security and practical needs. ・Traits: Business-minded, resource-focused, values money and material success. ・Focus: Earning, saving, and using money wisely for freedom and stability. Aesthetic driving force ・Motivated by: Beauty, design, and harmony. ・Traits: Sensitive to details, appreciates art, style, and balance. ・Focus: Enjoying and recognizing beauty in everyday life. Social driving force ・Motivated by: Helping others and building relationships. ・Traits: Caring, empathetic, generous, and people-oriented. ・Focus: Supporting and connecting with others. Individualistic driving force ・Motivated by: Power, control, and influence. ・Traits: Ambitious, competitive, leadership-driven. ・Focus: Gaining authority, success, and recognition. Traditional driving force ・Motivated by: Loyalty to tradition, order, and structure. ・Traits: Rule-following, principled, values stability and belonging. ・Focus: Living according to established rules and values, often within a group or community. Regardless of what our driving force is, what ever our driving force is in every aspect of our lives. The choice you make reflect who you are and what you value. Chapter 6 - What manipulation Looks Like Influence does not always to be negative. It’s something we do all the time. So please have described this as selling to each other. In this chapter they are talking about what each color person look likes and deal with them. Chapter 7 - The dominant Red Psychopath This chapter explores different kinds of agendas people may have when trying to influence others. In this context, “agenda” means A person’s plan, goal, or motivation especially if it’s influencing others’ decisions. Open Agendas (Mutually Agreed) Examples include car salespeople or real estate agents. Their intentions to sell are clear and expected. Hidden but Accepted Agendas Like banks calling their staff “advisors” instead of “salespeople,” even though they only recommend their own products. Everyone knows this but accepts it anyway Truly Hidden Agendas These involve psychological manipulation with harmful intentions, often by psychopaths who hide their true motives. The text then compares Red personality types to psychopaths. Red types are direct, task-focused, and often seen as harsh or aggressive, especially in leadership. But they are consistent, hard-working, and not interested in manipulating others. While Psychopaths, in contrast, charm others to gain trust, avoid doing real work, and use manipulation and cruelty for personal gain. They enjoy watching others suffer and often take credit for others’ efforts. Key Differences: ・Work Ethic: Reds work hard; psychopaths avoid work. ・Motives: Reds want results; psychopaths want control and harm. ・Consistency: Reds are predictable; psychopaths are manipulative and deceptive ・Feedback Reaction: Reds may not realize they’ve hurt someone. Psychopaths will use that hurt against you. If you’re a Red-type, be aware of how others see you. Communicate your intentions clearly to avoid being misunderstood as manipulative or psychopathic. Chapter 8 - The Charming Yellow Psychopath There are lots of obvious similarities between yellow and psychopath behavior. Yellow people tend to blame others when everything starts to go wrong. Which is exactly what psychopaths do as well. And psychopath like lying that people actually believe them. But the problem is you can’t tell when they are lying or not. Yellow person becomes stressed and emotionally involved when they are exposed. When yellow person are stressed, yellow people can be hard to be around and are berry far from charming. Stress is typically connected with emotion and this is why psychopath don’t seem experience stress in the same way the rest of us do. Because they do. Or. Are about others and others opinion. The key difference between psychopath and yellow people is psychopath lies all the time, about everything even when there’s not reason to lie. But yellow people talk criticism personally and will feel extremely uncomfortable. Chapter 9 - The Passive Green Psychopaths Explores how even individuals with calm, conflict-avoidant “Green” personalities can unintentionally engage in manipulative behavior that resembles psychopathy particularly through passive-aggressive actions and avoiding responsibility. Unlike psychopaths, Greens typically don’t intend harm but their fear of conflict can lead to serious consequences for others, such as misleading a group by agreeing to plans they never intended to follow through with. The key difference is that psychopaths are aware of and enjoy the harm they cause, while Greens may feel guilty but still fail to act. The takeaway is that Greens should become more aware of how their behavior affects others and take responsibility while others should be alert to manipulation, even if it doesn’t look aggressive. Chapter 10 - The Meticulous Blue Psychopath The blue person is not easily perceived as psychopaths. They would act as silent killer who never says word. Who has everything in perfect order. Most of people thinks that blue person is unfeeling but it’s not true. They feel, they observe they gaze but just not saying. And this characteristics is what psychopaths do as well. Psychopaths don’t care about other people and blue people only care about a handful of their inner circle. So what is the difference between psychopath and blue people: the answer is lie. Psychopaths lies all the time without any clear motivation. But blue people don’t like to tell lies at all and prefer to answer truthfully when asked question. The manipulation techniques called “gaslighting” means that you convince someone to disturb their own sanity by constantly twisting things around and change the rule. Blue behavior should not be mistaken for psychopathy because blue people do what they say they are going to do. They are consistent which is opposite of psychopaths behavior. Chapter 11 - How a Psychopath Manipulates a Red Person Psychological manipulation to boxing, explaining that manipulators, like psychopaths, target a person’s weaknesses to bring them down just as a boxer would exploit an opponent’s injured arm. Even strong, assertive Red personalities can be manipulated, despite their toughness and resistance to conflict, because psychopaths don’t respond emotionally to confrontation and are skilled at subtle, indirect influence. Reds dislike details, avoid asking for help, and tend to handle problems alone, which makes them vulnerable to long-term manipulation if a psychopath gains their trust. The key takeaway is the importance of self-awareness: knowing your own weaknesses is the best defense against being used. Chapter 12 - How a Psychopath Manipulates a Yellow Person Explains how psychopaths manipulate Yellow personality types by targeting their deep need for social connection and positivity. Yellows thrive on relationships and constant interaction, so the psychopath isolates them from friends and family, becoming the only person they can talk to. By pretending to care and slowly breaking the Yellow’s support system, the manipulator gains full control. Psychopaths use the Yellow's weaknesses—such as being talkative, disorganized, or emotionally sensitive against them, and unlike others, they feel no guilt for causing harm. While some controlling behaviors may come from jealousy rather than psychopathy, any attempt to isolate or dominate should raise red flags. Ultimately, the manipulator’s goal is power, not love or concern. Chapter 13 - How a Psychopath Manipulates a Green Person Psychopaths manipulate Green individuals by targeting their deep fear of conflict, change, and criticism. Greens are passive, avoid confrontation, and often say yes when they mean no, making them easy to control. In relationships, they may admire the decisiveness and action of Red-type people, which a manipulator can mimic to gain their trust. Psychopaths exploit Greens’ desire to avoid trouble by gradually shifting responsibility, decision-making, or even financial burdens onto them. Especially in romantic or close relationships, the psychopath may slowly take advantage of the Green’s reluctance to speak up, eventually controlling them emotionally and economicall. All without the Green realizing what’s happening until it's too late. Chapter 14 - How a Psychopath Manipulates a Blue Person Blue people are difficult to manipulate because they are detail-oriented, rational, and remember facts, often keeping records and double-checking information. Psychopaths struggle to lie convincingly to Blues since they quickly spot inconsistencies. However, Blues can still be vulnerable, especially in close personal relationships, where emotional manipulation and charm may succeed. Although Blues don’t easily fall for superficial lies or false expertise, their desire for deep understanding sometimes leads them to distrust others quietly without confrontation. Overall, Blues are cautious but not completely immune to manipulation, especially when trust is built through intimate connections. Chapter 15 - Common Manipulate Techniques 1. Arbitrary Positive Reinforcement This technique involves giving someone strong praise and affirmation—then randomly withholding it without explanation. The unpredictability makes the victim emotionally dependent on the manipulator’s approval, much like a drug addict needing their next fix. It’s especially effective on people with low self-esteem who crave validation. 2. Love Bombing This involves overwhelming someone with affection, compliments, and declarations of love to quickly build emotional dependency. Manipulators—especially psychopathic ones—use this method in romantic relationships to gain control. Victims, especially those inexperienced with real love, may fall deeply into the trap, believing the attention is genuine. 3. Gaslighting Gaslighting is a slow, calculated tactic used to distort a victim’s sense of reality. By making subtle changes to the environment and denying they ever happened, the manipulator causes the victim to doubt their own perceptions and sanity. An example includes constantly moving an object and denying it was ever touched, leading the victim to question their memory and judgment. Chapter 16 - Everyday Manipulation and How to Handle It Defend yourself directly to protect yourself and don’t try to show your weakness. Otherwise once if you show your weakness, the psychopaths are try to get involve into your weakness, use and manipulate you. And think properly before you answer their question, means that don’t answer what they want you to expect you to answer their question. If you realize that people around you are psychopath, try to put manipulation into words such as: When you…., If you stopped….,Then I am going to feel…. By using those words, way your message will be understood and there’s a good chance that the manipulator will actually listen to you without manipulate you first. Chapter 17 - What if nothing works If you are dealing with real psychopath, just leave. Psychopaths don’t change anyway. They won’t improve with therapy or medication. If you’re stuck in the same toxic cycle despite trying to fix the relationship, it’s a clear sign: you need to leave. You’re just a resource to them. Psychopaths don’t see people as individuals with feelings—they see them as tools to be used. Once you’re no longer useful, you’re discarded or attacked. Leaving is the only real solution. Whether it’s a romantic partner, friend, colleague, or even a parent, you must create distance to protect yourself. The author shares personal experience of walking away from a toxic relationship despite retaliation and false accusations. Don’t fight back or try to expose them. Psychopaths are skilled manipulators. They’ve already built a charming image and may have planted lies about you. Trying to confront or expose them will only lead to more harm—they’ll retaliate harshly and likely win. You can’t win their game. You’re empathetic; they’re not. You feel guilt; they don’t. They will do anything to destroy you if you challenge them. You must protect yourself by leaving—quietly and completely. Even if it’s complicated—still go. Whether you’re married to them, have kids with them, or work with them, leaving is still the safest choice. It may not be easy, but it is necessary for your long-term well-being.
元の読書記録を見るSurrounded by Psychopaths: How to Protect Yourself from Being Manipulated and Exploited in Businessの感想・レビュー
Thomas Erikson
ST MARTINS PR
ISBN: 9781250816436
読者の感想・読書記録
ブックミーに投稿された公開の読書記録です。感想はそれぞれの読者の意見です。
あなたの感想も、読書仲間へ
ブックミーで読んだ本を記録して、感想を共有できます。
ブックミーアプリをダウンロード